My children do not move like greased lightning. Sometimes I understand this, but sometimes it leaves me mystified. Last night we went to see the local theatre company production of Grease. Both children love the movie; both are into theatre -- and both said they wanted to go. During the day, however, I reminded Princess Sleepyhead that we were going and she said, "No-one told me about it", which clearly wasn't true. And then she stated that she needed to do an assignment. This astonished me, because never -- never, never, never -- has she ever said she can't go to something because she had an assignment to do. Admittedly, we have a heavy schedule this weekend -- the theatre, today I've been at a marketing seminar, and she has to go to singing rehearsal; tonight we have to hike (not literally) over to the other side of town to see The Gadget Man's father for his birthday, and tomorrow is PS's birthday, so GM's mother, her husband, and my parents are coming for lunch. This will involve some cooking but, more time-consumingly, hardcore cleanup time. But PS has never before dragged her feet because she has an assignment. Usually, it's a matter of us having to yell at her to do her work.
The truth is that had I let her, she would've stayed home and watched "Big Brother Friday night live" on TV. Or put her music on upstairs and thumped around. Or read. But my mother had bought the tickets, and I didn't want to start a war with her, so we fell into our regular roles: me as screaming harridan; PS as recalcitrant child. We got to the theatre a few minutes late, as we did on our previous venture, but luckily the production hadn't started.
But it makes me wonder why I bother? I don't need the stress. The angst. Why do we put so much time and energy into our kids when they clearly are often ungrateful? At the seminar today, which was about marketing your work, they talked about how much easier it is to get people to spend money on their children than on themselves. How true, I thought. We rarely take holidays -- can't afford them, but our children do all these activities, and half the time they grumble and complain, and I'm left asking myself why we really are doing this. But if I suggest they quit any activity, they're horrified, and say no way. Sometimes I just don't get kids at all.
21 July 2007
Like greased lightning!
Posted by Tracey at 2:47 PM
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3 comments:
Me either! Sometimes I feel like the more you give (and I'm not just talking about material things here) the less grateful they are.
I am fairly strict with my kids and try hard to make them see the value of all that they have but sometimes they astound me with the way they take things and people (like their mother) for granted.
Maybe it's a generational thing.
Doesn't each generation think the next one is lazy and ungrateful???
No, Lisa, I don't think so. The older generation has always thought the younger is weird, but not spoilt, lazy and ungrateful. Our generation and the ones before had the work ethic drilled into us too well!
And there is a very easy answer to all of this - don't offer.
We constantly feel like we have to give our kids every single opportunity in the world, make their lives full of enriching things. I honestly don't believe that organising it all for them and then expecting them to enjoy it, engage with it, get out of bed to go to it, does any of us any good.
Why don't you try simply offering - as in, there is a play on you might like. Do you want to go?
If the answer is yes, then set conditions. If I buy tickets, and then I have to scream at you to get ready on time, then we don't go.
Yes, you lose the tickets (or you could just go without them!).
But Tracey - you said it yourself - what was the point? You didn't enjoy screaming, nor did you enjoy totally stressing out about being late. Next time, if you would like them to go, buy the tickets, then go without them. You will lose the money, but so what?
What value do you put on not having to scream?
And imagine yourself, gaily going about getting ready, saying quietly, I am leaving in ten minutes and I will go without you. Then you continue getting yourself ready, get your car keys, say goodbye and leave. Lovely.
(If you think this is too mean, allow five extra minutes for their panicked run to the car, half-dressed. Do not wait for proper dressing. Just GO.)
Then see if next time, they do the same thing. If so, in future, don't buy tickets for them. Enjoy yourself instead!!!
(Yes, this is the grumpy me today. VERY grumpy.)
Hey, Lisa, I think you're right -- I definitely heard my mother say this about ... my brother. Oh, all right, me as well!
Sherryl, I dunno. I definitely remember the 'ungrateful' word being bandied around. The problem, in this case, with going without them was that my mum bought the tickets, and if one hadn't have gone, I would have had to put up with a rather pissed-off mother. And though I didn't enjoy the screaming, once I was there, I did enjoy myself, and enjoyed seeing them enjoy it. I know, in my heart, that what you suggest is right, but the trouble is that my kids don't learn from the experience. They just don't. We've done it before, and Princess Sleepyhead is always very stoic. She shrugs and says, "I don't care" or "I didn't want to go anyway" -- even if she did. And when I have said goodbye and left, I don't feel lovely unfortunately. And I don't end up enjoying the night. Whether I should or not, I feel guilty. It's one of those things where practising what you know is right ends up costing you a lot.
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