New Year

I'm not really one for making New Year's Resolutions -- I do it sometimes because I feel it's expected, but I don't really go into it with any great fervour. It's not the way I work. I suppose I know what I should be doing -- I carry those things with me in my head and mull over them, but committing them to paper doesn't make me take them any more seriously.

The things that preoccupy me at the moment are all to do with getting my life under more control. I had a busy year at work last year -- a too-busy year, and in many ways a difficult year (and in some a rewarding year, so it wasn't all negative -- most of it, in fact, wasn't negative). Consequently, I let the reins of control slip, and did that horse ever get the bit between its teeth and bolt. So this year I have to focus on getting more balance. On having more fun -- because isn't that what it's all about. (Mind you, I do have fun in most of the things I do. Fun, I think, is a matter of attitude, a matter of having a smile upon your face and making do with whatever you have.)

My sleep patterns continue to get more and more out of whack, and that's perhaps the most pressing problem. It's so easy to stay up and enjoy the few hours of peace when everyone else is asleep -- if I'm lucky enough to get a few. Perhaps that's the problem -- the kids, jealous of my time, stay up later and later, and I struggle to find time away from them. And I am categorically not a morning person. I do not, under any circumstances, function well then. Anytime before 7, I cannot drive. Not safely. Well, unless I stay up all night and don't go to bed, but even that I'm wary of. (If I fell into that pattern, I'd probably dispense with sleep altogether, and what a disaster that would be.) Before 7, the brain is clogged, and the eyes sting. My body aches and longs to be horizontal. Before 7, I am best in bed, snoozing if not actually sleeping. Dreaming/day-dreaming a writer's dreams. It's important to allow time for that too.

There are other aspects that have also slipped and that I'm feeling keenly -- the state of disarray around me, exercise habits, writing habits, but these are all things I hope to address -- no, mean to address. And there's no time like the present. Today, I've taken control of my blogging, which I've been lackadaisical about lately at best. Gradually, I'll pull this control-beast in, and get myself to a better place.